Like many, I have been lost, wandering in a fog. I tell others, yeah, I'm OK. But I'm not. I reach what should be turning points. But I don't turn. For the past six days, I feel almost as though evil has filled my vision, and thereby stolen it. I need to reclaim it. I now feel it as a duty. And not just to myself.
I no longer know what will
come out. But I must let it. And trust my instinctsI apologize for the length of this. If you're just looking for more pictures, you can move on. I thought I'd found some catharsis on Friday, but it was only a public catharsis. The private one came today, and it wasn't nearly as neat or photogenic. I'm sure it's not over. What largely started it was this quote, which I shared with the members tonight privately, and decided I should place here as well.
From James Wood, director of the Art Institute of Chicago:
"I think I'm still trying to digest it all. My business is images, but I've never seen images like these."
"Artists try to experience life and then through aesthetic means turn those experiences into feelings. How they will try to understand these events, among the most horrendous I've ever seen, I have no idea. But this is a seminal event. In hindsight, we may look at this or that artwork as a form of expression or outlook or statement that would not have occurred before this happened."
"This has huge implications and none of us right now knows how it will affect our world. This is one of those seminal moments in the culture, and the culture will respond to it."
"An obvious precedent would be Spain at the turn of the 18th Century. Napoleon came in, and there was massive bloodshed. We look back now and one of the ways we get closest to the mayhem and insanity is through the work of Goya. It takes time. He was unusual, in that he almost functioned as a reporter. And yet he created work that became masterpieces."
"Closer to us, take Vietnam. That is still central to filmmakers and writers, who continue to try to grapple with that."
"It's very hard to deal immediately with images this hot and with such an altered reality. But artists do something different than politicians or economists. They try to help us work through the philosophic questions something like this brings up."
"How do we deal with this as vulnerable human beings? I would hope profound artists look at this and help us grapple with the complexity. Because to me, that's one of the greatest challenges. We're at war with an enemy we can't define."
I read this a day and a half ago, and it has chewed on me ever since. This morning, over my morning coffee I read about the bigotry some Americans are showing anyone who looks vaguely Middle Eastern (two have been shot today, one a Sikh, not Muslim, an Indian, not Middle Eastern, shot because he was wearing a turban), followed by comments in other weblogs by what appeared to be young Europeans saying basically, "Americans are getting what they deserve."
I hit bottom. My partner, Susan, wanted to go to a rally this afternoon, since she'd been unable to leave work Friday, and, as she put it, "I feel a need to be with people." I realized, I don't want to be with people. People kill innocent Americans, people kill innocents who simply look Middle Eastern, people think we got what we deserved. With such a selection of obscenity, why would I want to be around the cause of it?
After she left (with my blessings of course, as I felt the same need Friday), I think I realized just how lost I've been. Unmoored. While it's seemed easy for me to pour my thoughts, my words, into my weblog, that's not my anchor. And the above quote helped bring that home for me.
I have not yet answered this challenge before tonight. But in me, it raises some realization of obligation. We've all been futilely seeking a way to help, to do something.. Well, this is something I can do. I truly believe you can ease pain, if only your own, by simple creative expression. Whether that expression will be once again finding beauty in the aftermath of this horror, as a way to move on or inspire hope, or whether it will be a darker reflection of what I've seen, I don't know. It will be what it will be, and I likely won't know myself until it comes out. It's been hard enough to even get to that point, and I know I'm not alone in that.
Each one of us has the power of expression, and a medium unprecedented in both its immediacy and its reach. While I have certainly felt muted by these events, I will no longer. I don't know what "sounds" will come out, but I feel an obligation to let them.
It's time to reclaim what is mine; my sense of creative expression. It's been restrained, and has surely changed, but it's all I have. Frankly, at a time when everything that was normal now seems trivial, I wonder if it's not the reason I am here. Period.
Replies: 12 comments
austinspace: Beautiful pictures, almost abstract. A great portrayal of what many of us feel inside. Thanks.
Posted @ 01:24 PM EST, 09/17/2001 by austinspace
lavonne: i have felt the same way - that my pitiful opinions and feelings are trivial and not worth expressing. i even decided to quit my web site, but it is my only means of expression and reaching outside of my self. but then i realized that wasn't the answer.
true feelings expressed truthfully and beautifully. isn't that what art is? "Truth is beauty - beauty, truth."
and that is the best any of us can do: speak our own truth.
true feelings expressed truthfully and beautifully. isn't that what art is? "Truth is beauty - beauty, truth."
and that is the best any of us can do: speak our own truth.
Posted @ 02:01 PM EST, 09/17/2001 by lavonne
PhotoDude: "...the fear that creative expression is no longer meaningful and important in this newly frightening world...This cannot be true."
But I think it's been a very common fear among creative people, held within their own heart over the past week: "Anything I have to say creatively will be trivial in the face of such horror; I'm not up to such a huge challenge", which of course leads quickly to familiar territory for many creative people, The Imposter Syndrome; "You're not up to the challenge because you're a talentless hack."
Although these have been very private times, and by nature the creative process is very solitary, I think it's important that we share these facts:
We are not alone in our shell shock, and resultant creative uncertainty. We are not alone in our struggle to overcome it, and find our voice again. And the fear we may feel at attempting to create after the horrors we have seen is in fact a good thing. It's a sign -- like butterflies before going on stage, magnified by a thousand -- that we subconciously know the added weight our expression now carries, and we are anxious to do it well.
In addition to the one's I recently added to QuoteLog, here's a few quotes that seem appropriate:
"Blocks produce in the artist an attitude of pessimism and defeat. He loses that necessary touch of arrogance; the drive to produce new things fades; the mind is blunted."
Lawrence Hatterer
"It is precisely from the regret left by the imperfect work that the next one can be born."
Odilon Redon
"A creative block is the wall we erect to ward off the anxiety we suppose we'll experience if we sit down to work."
Eric Maisel
"You cannot govern the creative impulse; all you can do is to eliminate obstacles and smooth the way for it."
Kimon Nicoliades
"I don't think of myself as making art. I do what I do because I want to, because painting is the best way I've found to get along with myself."
Robert Rauschenberg
"Art is the only way to run away without leaving home."
Twyla Tharp
"People need trouble -- a little frustration to sharpen the spirit on, toughen it. Artists do; I don't mean you need to live in a rat hole or gutter, but you have to learn fortitude, endurance. Only vegetables are happy."
William Faulkner
"The line between failure and success is so fine that we scarcely know when we pass it - so fine that we often are on the line and do not know it."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
But I think it's been a very common fear among creative people, held within their own heart over the past week: "Anything I have to say creatively will be trivial in the face of such horror; I'm not up to such a huge challenge", which of course leads quickly to familiar territory for many creative people, The Imposter Syndrome; "You're not up to the challenge because you're a talentless hack."
Although these have been very private times, and by nature the creative process is very solitary, I think it's important that we share these facts:
We are not alone in our shell shock, and resultant creative uncertainty. We are not alone in our struggle to overcome it, and find our voice again. And the fear we may feel at attempting to create after the horrors we have seen is in fact a good thing. It's a sign -- like butterflies before going on stage, magnified by a thousand -- that we subconciously know the added weight our expression now carries, and we are anxious to do it well.
In addition to the one's I recently added to QuoteLog, here's a few quotes that seem appropriate:
"Blocks produce in the artist an attitude of pessimism and defeat. He loses that necessary touch of arrogance; the drive to produce new things fades; the mind is blunted."
Lawrence Hatterer
"It is precisely from the regret left by the imperfect work that the next one can be born."
Odilon Redon
"A creative block is the wall we erect to ward off the anxiety we suppose we'll experience if we sit down to work."
Eric Maisel
"You cannot govern the creative impulse; all you can do is to eliminate obstacles and smooth the way for it."
Kimon Nicoliades
"I don't think of myself as making art. I do what I do because I want to, because painting is the best way I've found to get along with myself."
Robert Rauschenberg
"Art is the only way to run away without leaving home."
Twyla Tharp
"People need trouble -- a little frustration to sharpen the spirit on, toughen it. Artists do; I don't mean you need to live in a rat hole or gutter, but you have to learn fortitude, endurance. Only vegetables are happy."
William Faulkner
"The line between failure and success is so fine that we scarcely know when we pass it - so fine that we often are on the line and do not know it."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Posted @ 02:44 PM EST, 09/17/2001 by PhotoDude
charles: I had several projects underway last week, both musical and web-related (some of which are supposed to actually bring in income), and every time I try to get started again I hit some kind of strange paralysis of the soul. I don't really understand it. I can't seem to get my focus. Thoughts race through my head, and I want to go check the news sites -- have they found anyone alive? has a war started? has there been another, even worse attack? And then I do check the news sites, and spend the next couple of hours reading everything I can find, hoping, I guess, that if I can just get all that knowledge into my brain, just cram myself full of every detail, it will somehow sort itself out and I'll see how something like this could happen.
I keep breaking down in tears.
I'm going to try to do something to help myself move past this; I have an appointment this week to see a therapist I haven't seen since my divorce from hell 6 years ago.
I know at least some of the comments from "young Europeans" you mentioned were on our weblog. This incident is a pretty severe test of character; not everyone will pass it. Some will use it as a chance to lecture and point fingers, others will use it as an excuse to indulge their own frustrations and aimless rage with explosions of bigotry and hatred.
I didn't want to be around people much this last week either.
But this statement, at the end of an article about the evolutionary roots of altruism and heroism in today's NY Times Health section, does give a little more hopeful perspective.
----------
Dr. James J. Moore, a professor of anthropology at the University of California at San Diego, said he had studied many species, including many different primates. "We're the nicest species I know," he said. "To see those guys risking their lives, climbing over rubble on the chance of finding one person alive, well, you wouldn't find baboons doing that." The horrors of last week notwithstanding, he said, "the overall picture to come out about human nature is wonderful."
"For every 50 people making bomb threats now to mosques," he said, "there are 500,000 people around the world behaving just the way we hoped they would, with empathy and expressions of grief. We are amazingly civilized."
True, death-defying acts of heroism may be the province of the few. For the rest of us, simple humanity will do.
I keep breaking down in tears.
I'm going to try to do something to help myself move past this; I have an appointment this week to see a therapist I haven't seen since my divorce from hell 6 years ago.
I know at least some of the comments from "young Europeans" you mentioned were on our weblog. This incident is a pretty severe test of character; not everyone will pass it. Some will use it as a chance to lecture and point fingers, others will use it as an excuse to indulge their own frustrations and aimless rage with explosions of bigotry and hatred.
I didn't want to be around people much this last week either.
But this statement, at the end of an article about the evolutionary roots of altruism and heroism in today's NY Times Health section, does give a little more hopeful perspective.
----------
Dr. James J. Moore, a professor of anthropology at the University of California at San Diego, said he had studied many species, including many different primates. "We're the nicest species I know," he said. "To see those guys risking their lives, climbing over rubble on the chance of finding one person alive, well, you wouldn't find baboons doing that." The horrors of last week notwithstanding, he said, "the overall picture to come out about human nature is wonderful."
"For every 50 people making bomb threats now to mosques," he said, "there are 500,000 people around the world behaving just the way we hoped they would, with empathy and expressions of grief. We are amazingly civilized."
True, death-defying acts of heroism may be the province of the few. For the rest of us, simple humanity will do.
Posted @ 04:05 PM EST, 09/17/2001 by charles
PhotoDude: Charles, your first paragraph and following sentence mirror my experiences to a T. I've got a mountain of e-mail to reply to, and it all seems so trivial.
But I think it's important to know that others are trying to deal with the same things ... witness our mirror experiences ... when it's easy to get caught up in thinking you are somehow defective because of the paralysis.
You're normal, trying to cope with most abnormal circumstances.
Seeking help is a good thing, too, in whatever way people feel comfortable. At times like this, I have to wonder, who counsels the therapists, who are surely no more immune to this than we are?
But I think it's important to know that others are trying to deal with the same things ... witness our mirror experiences ... when it's easy to get caught up in thinking you are somehow defective because of the paralysis.
You're normal, trying to cope with most abnormal circumstances.
Seeking help is a good thing, too, in whatever way people feel comfortable. At times like this, I have to wonder, who counsels the therapists, who are surely no more immune to this than we are?
Posted @ 04:22 PM EST, 09/17/2001 by PhotoDude
d.: There are those of us who have no artistic talent to offer. Our emotions and hatred are locked inside of us tearing and tormenting our guts and souls, without an escape route. It is artists who we look to, to help the pain...the god damn awful pain that won't stop.
We need writers. We need musicians. We need the artists, in all forms. Those of you blessed with these gifts really do have an obligation in these terrible times--to help those of us who haven't got an outlet--to help us see our way through hatred and grief to renewal and hope. Use your gifts for all Americans, and all the good people upon this earth. Help ease our nightmares as you ease your own through your calling--your gift. You are the lucky ones--you can do something meaningful. I can give blood. I can give money. I can't do anything to relieve the pain of this nation.
We need writers. We need musicians. We need the artists, in all forms. Those of you blessed with these gifts really do have an obligation in these terrible times--to help those of us who haven't got an outlet--to help us see our way through hatred and grief to renewal and hope. Use your gifts for all Americans, and all the good people upon this earth. Help ease our nightmares as you ease your own through your calling--your gift. You are the lucky ones--you can do something meaningful. I can give blood. I can give money. I can't do anything to relieve the pain of this nation.
Posted @ 05:20 PM EST, 09/17/2001 by d.
lavonne: but d., you do have artistic talent to offer. you can write, and well. you can tell the truth about your own life and experience, in your own way. we need to hear your stories too.
Posted @ 06:21 PM EST, 09/17/2001 by lavonne
protomeister: I could not create art either. only apply it.
so i made a flash thing at http://hookmeister.com
and a list of other site doing the same thing.
Then i got e-mail. from other webmasters.
doing the same thing....then there were hundreds.
I gave up and started linking to lists of links to lists.
http://protosite.net/memory/list.htm
on and on. so much we are the same.
so i made a flash thing at http://hookmeister.com
and a list of other site doing the same thing.
Then i got e-mail. from other webmasters.
doing the same thing....then there were hundreds.
I gave up and started linking to lists of links to lists.
http://protosite.net/memory/list.htm
on and on. so much we are the same.
Posted @ 08:09 PM EST, 09/17/2001 by protomeister
roe: "d" -- "I can give blood. I can give money. I can't do anything to relieve the pain of this nation."
You *are* doing something to relieve the pain. Your blood may help bring someone back from the edge of death. Your money will put food on a widow's table, or send a firefighter's child to college. While what you are doing doesn't have an *immediate* effect -- you can't see the person that your blood may save, nor see whom your money is going to help -- please rest assured that you *are* helping. Do not despair!
I say that every little bit helps -- whether it be donation of blood, money, or time; creation of artistic works to comfort or inspire; or even simple physical comfort -- a hug, a hand held, a kiss. Everything and everyone contributes to a greater good. Hang in there, all of you!
You *are* doing something to relieve the pain. Your blood may help bring someone back from the edge of death. Your money will put food on a widow's table, or send a firefighter's child to college. While what you are doing doesn't have an *immediate* effect -- you can't see the person that your blood may save, nor see whom your money is going to help -- please rest assured that you *are* helping. Do not despair!
I say that every little bit helps -- whether it be donation of blood, money, or time; creation of artistic works to comfort or inspire; or even simple physical comfort -- a hug, a hand held, a kiss. Everything and everyone contributes to a greater good. Hang in there, all of you!
Posted @ 10:50 PM EST, 09/17/2001 by roe
bruce: perfectly stated. thank you
Posted @ 05:54 PM EST, 09/18/2001 by bruce
69 LESBIAN SEX: lesbos island strap on lesbian are nice.
lesbian kiss picture xxx lesbian porn sexy star
lesbian sex pussy les lesbian office sex
lesbo fisting free All I can show you is brunette lesbian teen.
free lesbian movie gallery best fake watches
porn story lesbian xxx adult gallery lesbian free
free lesbian tgp All I can show you is hot teen lesbian sex.
lesbos in shower best lesbos girl
free lesbian porn les Free free lesbian image gallery and free lesbian story.
lesbian sex pictures free I like black lesbo and she does'n like free gallery lesbian.
beach lesbo top She likes childless lesbian couples in london.
free lesbian old porn 69 black lesbos
free lesbian porn downloads xxx free lesbian pic
nude lesbian girls x girl lesbian russian school is better than teen lesbian pussy.
sensual lesbian couples les Interesting free lesbian porn online and on this www.
lesbian bdsm only Fice black woman lesbian porn pictures.
lesbian picture post site x Only older woman and young girl lesbian and inside.
lesbian chatrooms girls lesbian kissing links
interracial lesbian sex best Only lesbian magazines and inside.
wild lesbian sex xxx She is fan of lesbian porn photo and lesbian sex picture gallery pictures and naked lesbian porn star videos.
lesbian sex picture gallery only Have you ever seen lesbian sex trailer?
sexy teen lesbian les I like interesting fake login.
lesbian licking toe x All I can show you is lesbian licking mature.
free lesbian picture top The best of lesbian licking nipples.
black woman lesbian picture 69 adult lesbian porn is everything but girl group lesbian.
lesbian kiss picture xxx lesbian porn sexy star
lesbian sex pussy les lesbian office sex
lesbo fisting free All I can show you is brunette lesbian teen.
free lesbian movie gallery best fake watches
porn story lesbian xxx adult gallery lesbian free
free lesbian tgp All I can show you is hot teen lesbian sex.
lesbos in shower best lesbos girl
free lesbian porn les Free free lesbian image gallery and free lesbian story.
lesbian sex pictures free I like black lesbo and she does'n like free gallery lesbian.
beach lesbo top She likes childless lesbian couples in london.
free lesbian old porn 69 black lesbos
free lesbian porn downloads xxx free lesbian pic
nude lesbian girls x girl lesbian russian school is better than teen lesbian pussy.
sensual lesbian couples les Interesting free lesbian porn online and on this www.
lesbian bdsm only Fice black woman lesbian porn pictures.
lesbian picture post site x Only older woman and young girl lesbian and inside.
lesbian chatrooms girls lesbian kissing links
interracial lesbian sex best Only lesbian magazines and inside.
wild lesbian sex xxx She is fan of lesbian porn photo and lesbian sex picture gallery pictures and naked lesbian porn star videos.
lesbian sex picture gallery only Have you ever seen lesbian sex trailer?
sexy teen lesbian les I like interesting fake login.
lesbian licking toe x All I can show you is lesbian licking mature.
free lesbian picture top The best of lesbian licking nipples.
black woman lesbian picture 69 adult lesbian porn is everything but girl group lesbian.
Posted @ 11:31 AM EST, 06/23/2005 by 69 LESBIAN SEX
Absolutely. Said perfectly. Thank you for offering these words about something that has been troubling for many artists this past week...the fear that creative expression is no longer meaningful and important in this newly frightening world...This cannot be true. It would be a truly bleak world without the sharing of our vision, our images, our words and our gifts.